


What Makes Us Stronger

by msraven



Series: Trope Bingo Round 3 Blackout [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, General Spoilers for S01 of MAoS, M/M, Minor Character Deaths, Twenty-Four Hours to Live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>All of the agents on-site were exposed to an unknown toxin. We've already lost several of them and, judging by the others and Clint's proximity to the blast, the doctors estimate he has less than two days left. They're doing everything they can to formulate a cure, but he... Clint's asking for you, Phil.</i>
</p><p>A fill for the 24 Hours to Live square on my trope_bingo card.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Makes Us Stronger

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [What Makes Us Stronger](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180446) by [cstone9876](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cstone9876/pseuds/cstone9876)



> WARNING: As is inherent with the trope, this fic deals with a character (and others) who believes he's dying. If that is a sensitive subject for you, please heed the warning.
> 
> Thanks to kultiras for the quick read-through. All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Now with a [Chinese translation](http://www.mtslash.com/thread-118572-1-1.html) courtesy of cstone9876!

**-01d:20h:37m**

"Coulson. There's an incoming communication for you from HQ. Fury's ID."

Phil stands, brushing dirt of his knees and nodding to the others, before following Melinda back onto the Bus. They've dug up a rumored 0-8-4 in the middle of Mongolia and Phil can only be thankful it isn't the middle of winter. The dig site is also remote, sitting on a large, flat plain, allowing for the Bus to be parked nearby. 

Fury's image is already up on the screen when Phil walks up and he nods at the SHIELD director in greeting. "Sir."

"I need you back in New York."

"Sir? FitzSimmons have only just started examining the artifact."

"Then leave it or pack it up and bring it with you. This isn't a request. It's Barton."

Fear grips at Phil's heart, but he brutally ignores it. He told himself months ago that, by agreeing with Fury to keep his survival a secret from all of the Avengers, Phil had forfeited any feelings he may still harbor for his former asset. 

"He was leading a SHIELD op when there was an unexpected explosion. All of the agents on-site were exposed to an unknown toxin," Fury continues. "We've already lost several of them and, judging by the others and Clint's proximity to the blast, the doctors estimate he has less than two days left. They're doing everything they can to formulate a cure, but he... Clint's asking for you, Phil."

"He knows I'm alive?"

"Not that I'm aware, but I distinctly heard him tell Romanov that he wants to spend his last days with you."

"They could be fishing if they knew you were listening."

Fury shakes his head. "I'm willing to take that risk. Regardless, he was at the op and I'm losing agents every few hours. This is very real."

"I have every confidence in SHIELD's medical staff to find a cure."

"Damn it, Phil! Do you think I would have called you if it looked like they had any chance of beating this thing? It's been nearly a week and they are no closer than they were when they started. I don't want to believe it either, but losing Barton is a very real possibility."

"Have the reasons for continuing the ongoing charade of my death changed?" Phil challenges. "Has the WSC agreed to fully back the Avengers? Have the Avengers all agreed to come under the jurisdiction of SHIELD and be officially on call should the need arise?"

"You know as well as I do that nothing's changed."

"Then I see no reason to return to New York," Phil replies calmly. "You yourself argued that the fate of the world was more important than any personal feelings I or anyone else may have."

"I was wrong, okay? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear me admit?"

"No, sir. No, I don't." 

For all these months, Phil has held on to Fury's argument as a shield against the loneliness and longing. He's used saving the world to justify losing Clint's trust, losing any possibility for the 'something more' they'd always held at bay before Pegasus and Loki and Phil's death. To throw that away now meant that everything has been for naught. 

"We'll let you know if we find anything new with the artifacts," Phil says and quickly cuts the connection before the director can say any more. He drops heavily into a chair and takes several deep breaths before walking off the Bus and back to the excavation site. The doctors will find a cure, he's sure of it. 

 

**-01d:07h:13m**

"I can't figure out if you're an optimist or a coward."

All chatter at the table stops, their dinners forgotten, as the team looks between the two senior agents. Phil doesn't react, keeping his face impassive even as his eyes go hard. 

"I don't know what you mean, Agent May."

"You're really going to sit here on the other side of the globe while Barton only has a day to live?"

"What?!" Ward yelps with his mouth half full of food before swallowing heavily and looking at Phil for confirmation. "Sir?"

"Agent Barton and several other agents were recently exposed to an unknown toxin," Phil replies evenly, aware that every sharpshooter on SHIELD's roster has trained with and holds Hawkeye in high regard. "I'm sure the SHIELD medical staff have everything well in hand."

"We've lost another two agents since Fury's call. The docs have nothing, not even Banner."

"That's awful," Simmons pipes up. "Perhaps I could be of help. Toxicity was one of my areas of focus when I first joined SHIELD."

"That's not necessary," Phil declines. "We have a job here."

"Coulson–"

"Sir–"

"We could–"

"I have–" 

"Who's Barton?"

Phil stands to leave amidst their protests, but stalls at Skye's question. 

"Apparently no one who matters."

"Agent May, that is quite enough," Phil warns. 

"Look Coulson," May says, ignoring the warning. "I don't know why you and Fury decided to keep things secret from Barton even though he's a level seven, but pretending it's not happening isn't actually going to stop him from dying."

"He's not–" 

"What if he is? What if this is your last chance to say goodbye? We've both been agents long enough to have lost people we care about. We rarely get a chance to say our goodbyes. Don't waste it now. You'll spend the rest of your life regretting it."

Phil has to close his eyes against the truth and experience in Melinda's voice. It's not surprising that she's been in contact with HQ since Fury's call. Phil has to admit, for the first time, the danger Clint is in. He suppresses a shudder and opens his eyes to see the team looking at him with various degrees of concern.

"How long will it take to pack up the artifacts?"

"It's dark out, but, um..." Fitz answers. "I'm sure no more than an hour."

"Do it."

 

**-01d:03h:42m**

"Come in!" Phil calls out at the light knock on his office door, not surprised when Skye lets herself in. 

"Hey. I noticed your light. You okay?"

"Honestly? No."

Skye startles a bit at Phil's answer, but recovers quickly. "So Ward and FitzSimmons told me all about Barton. He sounds like a cool guy."

"I have a feeling the two of you would get along very well, possibly too well."

"He's important to you, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Then why haven't you...?"

Phil isn't sure what question she's asking, but the answer is the same either way. "Saving the world always seemed more important."

"He'll forgive you and he'll be okay."

"How do you know?"

Skye shrugs and stands. "I don't, but it's what you'd tell me and what I believe. You should get some sleep while you can. May's going as fast as the plane will go."

"I know and thank you."

"Anytime AC."

Phil watches Skye leave and goes back to reading about everything that's happened to Clint and his team over the past week. Sleep isn't going to come easy.

 

**-00d:17h:32m**

"You're too late."

Phil has to brace his hand against the wall as his knees threaten to buckle underneath him.

"Did the course of the toxin accelerate?" Simmons asks. 

"No, but the Avengers broke Barton out of Medical three hours ago. We don't know where they are."

Phil's knees do give after that, and he slides against the wall to sit on the floor. "Jesus, Nick."

Skye squats down beside him and glares up at Fury. "That was a cruel thing to do."

Bruce Banner walks into the room before anything else can be said and Phil scrambles quickly to his feet. The scientist stares hard at Phil before shaking his head and turning his back on them to leave. 

"And you guys wonder why we don't trust you," he mutters under his breath.

"Dr. Banner, wait! Please," Phil calls out, relieved when the other man stops. "I know that I have a lot to answer for, but right now... Do you know where they've taken Clint?"

Banner looks back at Phil with a sigh, taking off his glasses tiredly and rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "I'm not sure. I've been down in the labs with everyone else. All I know is that Clint said he didn't believe in the afterlife, so he wanted to spend time near you while he could."

"That doesn't make any sense," Ward disputes. "I thought none of them know you're alive?"

"They don't. They're at Arlington."

Fury swears at Phil's conclusion and one of the others lets out a gasp.

"Then let's go," Melinda prods. "We'll need a quinjet or a helicopter." 

"Take whatever you need."

"Fitz and I will stay here," Simmons volunteers. "We may be of some help to you, if you don't mind Dr. Banner?"

"We could use all the help you can give," Bruce says gravely and manages to turn sympathetic eyes toward Phil. "You need to be prepared for the fact that there may be nothing we can do to stop the toxin."

 

**-00d:14h:56m**

"God damn, son of a bitch, mother fucking fucker! I hate being right."

Steve ignores Stark's continued string of curses and scowls at Phil. "You have a lot of explaining to do, Agent Coulson."

"I know," Phil answers plainly, looking at no one other than Natasha. He knows that she is really the only obstacle that can keep him away from Clint. 

Natasha says nothing and Phil can't offer anything in his defense. She looks away, a few yards over to where Clint is curled up, asleep on the grass in front of Phil's tombstone. Phil is perhaps one of the few people who can hear the catch in Natasha's voice when she eventually speaks. "The world has taken enough from us."

Phil takes it as the permission he's seeking and steps forward. If Tony and Steve protest, Phil pays no attention as he kneels next to Clint. Phil sees Clint shiver despite the thick blanket around his shoulders and shrugs out of his suit jacket to lay it over the other man. Phil brushes a lock of hair off the archer's forehead, distraught when he sees how pale and gaunt Clint has become. 

Clint's eyes blink open and he stares up at Phil before blinking again several times. "Phil? Did I... Did I die? Was I wrong and I really do get to spend the afterlife with you?"

"No, Clint. You didn't die.."

Clint struggles up to sitting and edges back away from Phil until his back hits the tombstone. "I don't understand. You died."

"I did die on the Helicarrier, but they brought me back."

"How long ago?"

"A while. I'm sorry Clint."

"Why didn't you...?"

"The same reason there always is," Phil sighs. "There aren't many threads holding the Avengers together."

"And the world is always more important than any one of us."

Phil doesn't bother responding. They've always understood the sacrifices inherent in their lives.

"So the only reason you're here is because I'm dying," Clint says, letting his head fall back against the marble behind him. "I don't know whether I want to punch you or kiss you."

"I'll give you free reign to do both when you get better."

Clint's laugh is brittle. "Nat told me Hayes died a few hours ago. That makes twelve now and I don't think that thirteen will be lucky for me."

Phil does the best he can not to react, but must fail pretty spectacularly based on Clint's response.

"Aww, shit. Don't look like that. You know I hate it when I make you all disappointed and upset. Just… come 'ere."

Clint shifts over so that Phil can sit next to him, their shoulders touching as they lean against each other.

"Look. I don't have much time, so why don't we pretend we already had a long talk about trust and battlefield decisions? Pretend we actually said what needed saying and move on?"

"I wish you'd stop saying that."

"What? That I'm dying? Phil, you're going to need to deal with my not making it through this one."

"No, I really don't," Phil replies stubbornly. 

"Is that why you didn't come until now? It's been a few days since the docs looked positive about anything, which is when I assume Fury called you. Were you worried that showing up here would be giving my death credence?"

"That and the whole lying about my death thing."

"We're past that, remember? Hey! At least this time, we get so say goodbye."

"Don't. Please, don't," Phil pleads. 

"Phil..."

"I can't lose you. I know it's selfish to say after everything, but I really can't."

"It's okay to be selfish," Clint says and then moves so he can rest his head on Phil's shoulder. "And you'll survive this. I know you can. It'll hurt at first, but everything dulls with time."

Phil wraps his arm around Clint and buries his nose in the archer's short hair. "I don't want my memories to dull and I didn't come here for you to comfort me."

"Come on, sir. You should know better by now. It's always about who we leave behind. Dying's the easy part."

"You're not dying."

"Fine. We won't talk about it. You can tell me what's wrong with you instead."

"Why do think something's wrong?

"I may see better from a distance," Clint reminds him, "but I always see you. Now tell me."

Phil knows it's fruitless to attempt hiding anything from Clint and they've always been better at avoiding the issues that really matter. He settles a little more comfortably against Clint and begins to tell him everything that's happened – the darkness closing in, the surprise of waking, Tahiti, and finally learning the truth. 

 

**-00d:13h:21m**

"That's quite a story. Have you talked to Fury?"

"Yes. We've... come to terms with it. They brought me back from the dead, Clint. I know they'll figure out how to beat the toxin."

Clint laughs again, but sounds less brittle, more resigned. "I know you and Fury are old friends and all, but I don't think he's enough of a bastard to let twelve good agents die if he didn't need to."

"Don't you dare give up," Phil orders. 

"I'm not giving up on hope, I swear. I _have_ watched too many good people die these past few days not to be realistic. I've gone through all the emotions already. I don't want to die. It's frustrating as hell that I can't do a damn thing about it, but I've made my peace with everything and everyone. A lot of others didn't get that chance. Now you're here and it… I don't want to die."

Phil places a kiss on Clint's temple. "You're not going to die."

They sit silently together for a while until Natasha walks up bearing a small plastic bag. "Thought you two could use some water and there's some protein bars in here too."

"I'm not hungry," Clint replies, but accepts the water handed to him and takes a careful sip. Natasha doesn't comment on Clint uncharacteristically turning down food, so Phil has to assume his lack of appetite is not something new. "Sorry for hoarding Phil."

Natasha smiles. "We never did teach you how to share."

"Nat…" Clint reaches out suddenly, holding onto Natasha's wrist lightly.

"It's okay, Clint," she says after a few moments of silent conversation, looking over at Phil and repeating herself. "It's okay."

Phil knows instantly that he's been forgiven. Whatever his indiscretions, they pale in the light of Clint's last request to his closest friend. Natasha will, once again, stand with Phil through everything that happens from here on out.

"Thank you."

Natasha nods at Phil, Clint's grip tightening when she begins to stand. "You can stay? Please."

"Of course," Natasha replies and settles gracefully on the grass in front of them. 

"You know," Phil points out, "we could probably take this somewhere a little more comfortable."

"Nah. I like it here. It's quiet. Peaceful."

Natasha only shrugs and looks at the two of them expectantly. "Are we telling our usual ghost stories?"

"Actually… I was hoping Phil would tell us about his new team."

 

**-00d:11h:17m**

"Hey, Phil?"

"Yes, Clint?"

Clint has moved to lie on the grass with his head in Phil's lap. One of Clint's hands grips Phil's as it lays on his chest, while the other is held by Natasha, who sits at his hip. Clint's energy has been waning noticeably over the last few hours.

"You know I love you, right?" Clint asks with his eyes closed. Phil looks across to Natasha in horror. This feels too much like Clint saying the words before it's too late, like Clint is saying goodbye.

"Clint…"

"I know it's not something we say, and I'm, like, ninety percent sure you already know. I just didn't want you to question later. I mean, Nat knows. It's different with her, but she knows… right?"

Clint turns his head toward Natasha and her smile goes softer than Phil has ever seen. 

"Yes, Clint," she answers. "I know."

Clint looks back up at Phil and he wishes he could bask in the emotion shining from Clint's eyes, but this is not how Phil ever imagined hearing the words finally said.

"What I feel for you is different, stronger," Clint continues, lifting his hand to place it against Phil's cheek. "Always has been. I love you, Phil."

"I know. I've always known. I love you too, Clint."

Clint beams and Phil leans into his touch. "Any chance you'll give me that kiss you promised me earlier?"

"No, Clint. Only when you're back on your feet and can follow it with that punch you owe me."

Clint sighs, dropping his hand back down and snuggling a little closer to Phil. "Figured you'd say that."

 

**-00d:10h:04m**

"Hey, Phil? Can I get that kiss now?"

"No, Clint."

 

**-00d:08h:56m**

"Hey, Phil?"

"Are you going to ask every hour?"

"Until you give in."

"No, Clint. Tell me about Bogata. I hear Sitwell has a new aversion to shellfish?"

 

**-00d:08h:08m**

"And then Stark just looks at all of us and says, 'Well I didn't actually think it would pop.' It took us days to wash that slime out of our hair."

Phil smiles and runs his hand through the aforementioned blonde strands as Clint grins up at him.

"Hey, Phil?"

"No, Clint."

 

**-00d:07h:04m**

"Hey, Phil?"

"No, Clint. When you're better."

"Stubborn ass."

"I love you, too."

 

**-00d:05h:49m**

"Hey, Phil?" Clint's voice is barely above a whisper and Phil knows it's time.

"Yes, Clint."

Phil leans down and gathers Clint closer, finally pressing their lips together gently. Clint arches up, angling for a firmer kiss, and Phil complies. He feels Clint's mouth form into smile against his own before the archer goes limp in Phil's arms.

"He's just unconscious," Natasha says softly.

Phil nods and tightens his arms around Clint. He's done his reading. If they don't find a cure for the toxin, he'll never see Clint open his beautiful eyes again.

"We should get him back to SHIELD. He won't know the difference now."

The metallic clunking signals Iron Man's approach and Tony kneels in the grass in front of Phil with his faceplate still up. Phil doesn't relinquish his hold.

"I'm the fastest way. I promise I'll be careful with him."

Tony's eyes are raw with unspoken pain and Phil reminds himself that the others care about Clint too. Phil kisses Clint's forehead tenderly and places him in Tony's outstretched arms.

 

**-00d:04h:14m**

A strong hand is placed on Phil's shoulder and he fights to sit still and not lash out at the friendly gesture.

"You should at least have something to eat and drink. The others are worried."

Phil looks up at Steve, but the other man is turned toward Clint's still form on the bed. 

"They figured I'd have more luck, but maybe not for the reasons they think." Steve looks down at Phil, his face a study in sadness. "Death is never easy, although some are much, much harder than others. We just have to remember that the best way to honor those who have fallen is to keep living."

Phil says nothing, but he does accept the sandwich that's offered to him.

 

**-00d:02h:54m**

Phil gives up all pretense of dignity and crawls into the hospital bed with Clint. He doesn't pray or otherwise plead to deities that experience has taught him only exist in nightmares. Phil tucks himself next to Clint and whispers promises of a future, their future, against his still-warm skin.

 

**-00d:01h:23m**

"We think we may have something."

 

**-00d:00h:09m**

"The toxin is fully out of his system, but it will still be touch and go for a while as his body recovers. He's not out of the woods. We lost Miller a half-hour ago."

 

 **00d:00h:00m**  

"Phil. There's nothing else you can do here. You need to—" 

"I'm not leaving him." 

 

**+01d:13h:22m**

Clint's eyes flutter and then open, taking a few seconds to focus. He smiles, tired and happy, when he sees the man standing over his bed.

"Hey, Phil."

Phil leans down and kisses him, finally letting the tears fall. He tucks his face into the comfort of Clint's neck as the archer rubs his hand soothingly across his back. Phil places a kiss against Clint's warm skin and makes good on all his promises.

~ _fin_ ~


End file.
